Happy Anniversary love! 3 years being married... where has the time gone? I can't imagine ever being happier in my whole life. We have had 3 homes, 3 cars... and turned our family into a family of 3! I am so blessed to share these times with you. I love you so much and am so grateful for everything you do for me and Ivy. The way you love her and love to take care of her is what I have always wanted in a husband and father of my children. Thank you so much for being so great to her and helping me learn how to be a mother! It has definitely been a wild ride for me without having any younger siblings or experience, but having you help me along the way has made me feel so confident that I can do it! I have printed out this blog and given it to you because I am going to retire it and only use Ivy's blog from now on. I know we can look this up anytime online, but I love having a hard copy to flip through. I also wanted to put our stories in here so we would always know where to find them! Remember when we wrote these? Mine was before we said I love you... and yours was after. I still love these stories and love to read through them. Brings back all of those butterfly feels of falling in love. I hope you have loved being married to me as much as I have loved being married to you.
The Story of Us
Jacee's Version
June 24, 2012 was one of the scariest, most nerve racking days of my
life. I had just recently been separated from my husband, and the divorce
papers were in process. This day was a Sunday, my usual favorite of the week.
But it was now a day that had been turned into my least favorite, because I had
nowhere to go. I couldn’t go to my old singles ward, that was too embarrassing.
I couldn’t go to my home ward, everyone would ask where my spouse has been the
past while. And I couldn’t attend with my parents; everyone there too, thought
I was still married. At this time I had the blessing of having a boss who is
also a Bishop of a singles ward in Orem. There was one day we were in his
office talking and I just casually had said, “I have no idea where I’m going to
attend church.” Right then I saw a little light bulb go off in his head and he
said, “I know where you can go, you’ll come to my ward.” My first thought was
pure relief. I was so excited I had somewhere to go. The more I thought about
it though, the more nervous I got. It took about 3 weeks after he had suggested
that, before I actually built up the nerve to go. I wasn’t scared of something
new, and I wasn’t scared of going alone. My biggest fear was that everyone
would judge me. That people would look at me, and be able to tell that I had
just been divorced, and only after 6 months of marriage. A few weeks before I
attended the ward for the first time my boss, John Spencer, had shown me a
picture of a young man he wanted me to meet. He told me what a good guy he is
and expressed to me how important it was to him that I got to know this young
man. I just kind of rolled my eyes and laughed and thought, the last thing I
want right now is to be meeting and to be set up with guys. Nonetheless, on
June 24th I attended the ward for the first time, I looked to the
right of me while sitting in sacrament and see a cute, dark curly haired boy
sitting there. I just glanced and looked away because I was not there to date,
or to meet boys. I was there to get my spiritual high for the week. The only
thing that made me happy at that point. That day this boy taught Sunday School.
I couldn’t help but feel like he might have noticed me in the congregation, I
even made a comment just so that he would, and that’s something I very rarely
do. After church we had Munch and Mingle. I had no intentions of staying
whatsoever, but decided that if I was going to join the ward, I might as well
get to know a few people. I was chatting with some randoms when that same cute
curly haired boy came up and joined the conversation. He introduced himself as
Spencer. We had a little short talk and then I went home. I thought about
Spencer after that. Thought about how funny it was that the one picture John
had shown me, was the only boy that caught my eye that day.
On July 3, 2012 I was invited to a birthday party for one of the girls in
the ward. My friend had told me that Spencer was going to be there. I was
hesitant at first, but was curious about this boy. So I went, and he showed up.
I acted like I wasn't there for him, because I knew he wasn't there for me. We
didn't get to talk much that night. But I think we both knew how much we wanted
to. And I think we both knew we would have the opportunity to get to know each
other better as time went on.
After that day I kept hearing about Spencer. Like, “Spencer is going to
be here and would like to get to know you, so you should come.” Or, “Spencer
thinks you're adorable and would like to take you out.” And at church, I would
look for Spencer. I acted like I didn't care, or that I didn't notice him, but
I did. I would get little notes in church that would say “You're adorable, come
to ward prayer and games tonight.” and I knew it was from Spencer. Even though I did everything I could to make
it seem like he left no impact on me, I was always hoping I left one on him.
On July 21, 2012 I got a text from a random number that said “Is this the
adorable Jacee who looks good in green?” I immediately knew who it was. He had
heard that I was going to Heber that night for a barbecue with my friends.
Funny enough, he is from Heber and was headed that way as well. He asked me if
I would like to ride together. I was so nervous, so I told him that I was
already riding with a bunch of my friends, and there wouldn't be enough room
for all of us. I invited him to the barbecue though. He said he would stop by
and I was immediately nervous for the rest of the night. He showed up and I
didn't know what to do, what to say, or how to act. All I knew was that I
wanted to talk to him and get to know him personally, not with everyone else
distracting us. So we went out back, and we talked and talked. I don't remember
much about the rest of that night, I know I loved talking to him though. I
remember smiling a lot. And I remember being more shy than I usually am. I
remember when he left, I remember hugging him. I don't remember much, but I
know that was a night to remember.
On July 23, 2012 he invited me and some friends to go stay at his house
in Heber for the night. It sounded so fun and I was so excited. Things were
weird between us when we were there. I knew I was into him, and I thought he
was into me. But there was no way I was going to show that, and it seemed that
neither was he. It was a fun night, but the morning was the best. On July 24,
2012 Spencer and I cooked breakfast for everyone that was there. Finally we had
some alone time to talk and just have a good time together. Everyone was
asleep, and I wasn't about to let him cook for everyone else by himself when he
was already being so generous to let us all trash his house and stay there. It
was apparent that he and I could have a good time together. But cooking
breakfast that morning, that was weird. I was weird. He was weird. But I think
we both enjoyed it, and I think we both wanted that time together no matter how
weird it was going to be. Once we had left his house that day, I decided I
wasn't going to pursue him, or try to date him, or show any interest. I think
that decision came out of fear. Fear of being turned down. Fear that he
wouldn't want me back. Fear that I might actually like him. Fear that the one
thing I was not looking for and not wanting at the time, was going to happen.
After that I did everything I could to ignore him. When I would see him, I would
show no interest. When he would invite me to things, I would act like I didn't
care. Sometimes I would act like I didn't even know we were at the same places.
We would text though. Every day. Not a lot, but ever since I got the first text
from him on July 21st, I have received at least one text from him every single
day.
On July 30th, 2012 he finally asked me if I wanted to go get ice cream
with him after FHE. FINALLY! I was so excited. Looking at the dates it seems
like all of this happened in such a short amount of time, but when it was
happening, it all felt like a lifetime. So we went and got ice cream. And we
talked, and I never wanted the night to end. I don't remember what we talked
about that night either. Except my divorce, the most dreadful topic. But it
wasn't dreadful, not with him. He was so understanding, and so sweet. And I
could see the horror in his face when he would hear some of the things that
happened to me. And right then I knew that he would never treat any girl that
way, and that was such a comforting thing to see. The night ended and he said,
“When do I get to see you again?” and I said, “Sunday I guess!” Sunday? It was
only Monday! I didn't want to wait until then. Luckily, neither did he.
He asked me on an “Official date” for that Wednesday, August 1, 2012. He
had listened to me when we talked, because he took me to Wingers without asking
where I wanted to go. He remembered it was my favorite from a previous
conversation, something that was very touching to me. At this time I was still
doing everything that I could to act like I didn't care, like it didn't matter
if he asked me out, or if he texted me, or if we got to see each other. I acted
like it was no big deal, but it was a big deal. We had a good night that night.
After wingers we went to his place, and I sang for him. I don't sing much for
people anymore. And I definitely never play the guitar. But I did for him, and
I was so nervous. I'm still not sure why I did it, but I know I'm happy I did,
and I know it was because I felt a level of comfort with him that I wasn't used
to. We watched a movie that night, and we held hands. He fell asleep and his
nose was squeaky, and it was so cute. That was a good night for us. A night
where neither of us felt weird, a night I had been waiting for, for what seemed
like forever.
We had our third date on August 4, 2012. We went to a rodeo up in Heber,
and I met some of his family. I've never been scared of families, and they've
always liked me. Luckily, I'm pretty sure I was a hit with the niece and nephew
that night. I didn't get to talk to his parents much, which I was ok with. I
knew I would get to know them soon enough. I saw the kind of person Spencer is
that night. I saw his humorous side, I saw him as an uncle, I saw him as a son
and a brother, and I saw him as someone I could be with. I saw him as someone
who treats girls right, and someone who respects those around him. This night
was a very special night for us, this was the night of our first kiss. I've
never had a more perfect first kiss. We went on the Ferris wheel at the
carnival after the rodeo and I knew he was going to kiss me. I knew it because
he turned his hat backwards, and I knew it because he was looking at me
straight on more than I was used to. I knew it because our faces kept getting
close. And I knew it because I knew, that he too knew, it would be perfect. And
it was. Right at the top of the Ferris wheel just like in a movie. I had that
butterfly feeling, a feeling I forgot even existed. He had it too. I knew he did,
because he laughed after. I act like it was a bad thing, but I know it wasn't.
I know exactly what he was feeling and why he laughed, I know it because I felt
the same way and wanted to do the same thing. That night was perfect, another
night to remember.
We kept dating after that. Every day I would see him. And every day it
got better and better. I was so nervous to ever admit that we were dating,
nervous that he didn't want to date me. Nervous that he didn't want others to
know. Nervous that I was going to push something on him that he wasn't ready
for, and nervous that I wasn't ready myself. As many times as I tried to stop,
or tried to slow down, I couldn't. I thought there was no way he could like me
as much as I liked him. I thought that because of my past, there was no way he
would ever actually want to be with me. We continued to get closer and closer,
and I continued to fall for him more and more.
September 10, 2012 was the day. That was the day that Spencer Cottle
asked me to be his girlfriend. That was the day that I thought never would
happen. Not because it had taken so long, because in reality it hadn't. But
because that was something that Spencer had told me he never does. He doesn't
ask girls to be his girlfriend, he doesn't make things official. But I think he
knew that's what I needed to feel comfortable, and I think he wanted it just as
much as I did. That night felt so good. Knowing that I had someone, and that
someone had me. Someone I could take care of, someone I could call mine, someone
that would treat me right.
Spencer and I have had many ups and downs during our relationship. Many
times where we have come close to ending things, and many times where we have
never wanted anything more than to just be with each other. These times have
been crucial and so important in our relationship. These times have built us,
and molded us into what we are. We have learned how to work together, and how
to make things work together. We have learned how to understand each other.
We've learned to not give up, to not give up because we have learned that what
we have is real. We've gotten to know each others families. I love Spencer's
family. I can only hope and pray that they will accept me and love me just as
much as I do them, and I think they do. His family has the kind of spirit that
I want in my own future family. I've never seen a more giving family. They have
been such good examples to me and I have learned so much from them. Spencer is
so good with my family also. They all love him so much. He is so good with my
niece, the most important thing in the world to me.
Spencer has healed me. I was broken when I met him, and he has pieced me
back together little by little. I know the Lord knows me personally, because I
know he knows I need someone like Spencer in my life. And I know that's why he
sent Spencer to me. Today on Halloween, October 31, 2012 I can say I have
complete trust and faith in mine and Spencers relationship. Faith that it will
work, and trust that we are both going to make that happen. Today I can say I’m
in a place I never imagined myself being in again. And I can also say that I’ve
never felt more comfortable or confident being in this place. Spencer is the
best thing for me, and the best thing to me. Spencer and I have something very
special. I can only hope and pray that he feels the same way.
The Story of Us
Spencer's Version
June 24, 2012 became the first day of the rest of my life. If you thought that line was cheesy just keep reading, it gets better. It was a Sunday like any other. I woke up, prayed, showered, crammed for my Sunday school lesson, and went to church. It was a unique Sunday because we combined with another ward. My last companion on the mission was also in town visiting. There were plenty of new faces but I wasn’t in the mindset to be scoping anyone out. I was recently recovering from an appendicitis, debt up to my eyes, a break up, and beginning my first grown up job as a Deputy Probation Officer Supervisor; so starting up another complicated relationship was at the bottom of my list. I was there to be spiritually enlightened, and luckily for me, had the privilege of teaching Gospel Doctrine.
As was custom, I had each person introduce themselves before I began the lesson. Usually I only had the visitors and newbies introduce themselves, but because there were two wards combined we gave everyone the opportunity. Again, getting to know girls was the last thing on my mind. However, as the introductions took place, two rows back, three seats to the left, the most adorable girl in a green dress introduced herself as “Jacee from Pleasant Grove”. Her voice was adorable. Her blonde hair was adorable. Her pale blue eyes were adorable. Her green dress was adorable. Everything about this girl was adorable. Every time I looked her way or heard her speak that was the first word that came to my mind- Adorable. I figured she was from the other ward so I kept my emotions in check. I stumbled through my lesson knowing I was in for a journey.
After my lesson while I was on my way to Priesthood a friend came up to me saying that she overheard some girls talking and that they thought I was cute. I instantly thought to myself, “I hope it’s the girl in green”. After Priesthood we had munch and mingle. While I was bouncing between ward members I noticed that my mission buddy was talking to the girl in green. I have to admit I was a little envious. I interrupted the conversation and asked if she was visiting from the other Ward. She mentioned that she worked for my Bishop and was actually contemplating moving her records here. My heart jumped and at that moment I knew I needed to convince this adorable girl to do just that. I introduced myself as Spencer and she restated her name as Jacee. I followed up with, “As in Jacee Penny?” She said, “Yes, but spelled J A C E E”. I haven’t forgotten the name since.
The next Sunday while I was blessing the Sacrament I saw her again, eightish rows back and to the left, this time in a blue dress. I had to leave early to go up to my family’s in Heber so I didn’t have the chance to speak with her. I kept hoping she would be at the activities, but she wasn’t. During one activity I asked a friend who worked with her why she wasn’t there. This is another imperative moment that I will forever be grateful for. That friend could tell that I was interested, curious, and becoming a little annoying. She said to me, “You should know that she’s been married before, and is still finalizing the divorce.” I literally felt my heart soften, my mind went clear, and I thought about this adorable girl in a different light. My heart went out to her and for the assumed challenges she has been through. It then began to beat faster as I knew I needed to get to know her. I can’t explain the feeling other than I knew superior forces were at work.
Finally, Jacee Penny and her friend showed up for an ultimate frisbee activity. I was actually late myself so when I arrived she was already there. I instantly became nervous and awkward. I knew I wanted to get to know her but didn’t want to make it too obvious, especially because I could tell there were other guys interested. After ultimate frisbee we played some ninja came where she made it obvious that she was deliberately killing slash targeting me. That was sign enough. She was interested! Each game I got out early (due to her) and secretly wished that she too would get killed, allowing us a chance to talk. Finally, the last game, having both been killed by ninjas, we sat on the hood of my car and had our first real life conversation. She was adorable; her smile, her laugh, her pretending not to be interested, adorable. I knew I’d finally get her number that night and have the opportunity to get to know her better and ultimately ask her out. I turned my head for two minutes to talk to another friend and when I turned back around she was gone! She and her friend were gone, not a words notice, not a single good bye, gone! I then thought to myself, “Maybe she’s not that interested after all...”
It wasn’t until July 21st, almost a month after we met, did I finally get her number (from her friend... pathetic I know... but she was playing hard to get!). I texted her asking, “Is this the adorable Jacee who looks good in green?” She knew it was me. I heard that she was going to Heber that night for a barbecue and I too was going there to pick up some furniture. She declined my invitation to drive up together (shut down again) but invited me to the barbecue. I knew some of the guys from school so I decided to stop by. I walked in, expecting to talk and hang out with everyone, but she immediately dragged me to the back yard. I figured she either wanted me all to herself or that she was embarrassed by me. I quickly found out that she wanted me all to herself. We talked for a long time just the two of us. The more I got to know her the more I realized I didn’t want to stop getting to know her. We smiled, laughed, and smiled some more. My cheeks never hurt so good. I could tell she was a little bit shy but gave her the benefit of the doubt having recently finalized the divorce. I found that I too was a bit awkward compared to usual. I didn’t want to leave, but I felt bad keeping her from the rest of the group. She walked me to my car and I pointed out how much brighter the stars were up in Heber compared to Pleasant Grove. She rolled her eyes and I told her that someday she would fall in love with the small town of Heber. I then hugged her realizing that it was probably the first time we had ever physically touched. I didn’t want to let go. It was perfect, definitely a night to remember.
Despite the good conversations and feelings that I knew were developing for each other, things were still weird between us. We’d have awkward run-ins, eye contacts, and comments that left the other unsure of things. My ex recently moved back to town and Jacee had herds of guys of her own that were interested. I knew Jacee was in to me, or at least at times I did, and I knew for sure I was in to her. It was complicated, and I wasn’t at all about to rush in to things considering everything we had recently been through.
One July 23rd I invited her and her friend to come to Heber for a party that I was throwing while my parents were out of town. It kind of became a tradition. This was now the fourth time I had college friends over to the Cottle Barn House for games, bonfire, food, 4-wheeling, jumping in the freezing lake, movies, and sleeping over. After the day’s festivities, around four in the morning, everyone started to wind down and get settled in for the night. Multiple times throughout the evening I would catch myself staring at her (in a non-creepy kind of way) trying to figure out what made this girl so adorable. While everyone was climbing into their beds and getting situated to fall asleep to a movie, I noticed she quietly and privately excused herself from the group and went downstairs. A couple minutes later I too got up, remembering I needed to “brush my teeth” (again) and purposely went to find her. She was sitting downstairs by the front door, facing the window. At first I thought she was looking for something so I asked her what she was doing and if she was ok. She got a shy embarrassed look on her face and softly said, “I have this goal… and I haven’t read my scriptures for the day yet.” I remember smiling at her and again my heart did something I wasn’t used to. We talked for another minute or two and I apologized for interrupting her. After brushing my teeth, on my way back upstairs, I glanced out the window to see her outside in the bitter cold on her knees praying. I smiled again as I received my answer. I now knew what made this girl in green so adorable.
The next morning, July 24th, I woke up early to make breakfast for everyone. I still don’t know if I believe her when she said she was already awake watching her first sunrise or if my purposely being loud woke her up. Either way she got up to help me cook. Finally we had some alone time (sort of) while 15 others were asleep just feet away. We had to be quiet to keep from waking them, but I think I was more quiet to keep from saying something stupid. She made fun of me as I undercooked the bacon and I made fun of her as she over scrambled the eggs. We had a good time together, even though it was a little weird. After our retreat to Heber I thought I’d see a lot more of her, but for whatever reason she became even more distant and more offish towards me. Once again I figured, “Maybe she’s not that interested after all…”
On July 30th I finally build up the courage to ask her to go get ice-cream with me. It was a simple date because I was still confused about where she was at. After an FHE dance party we went to Subzero Ice-cream (neither of our favorites) and sat outside to eat them. We talked about everything. I learned about her family, her favorites, and her fears. She opened up about her divorce. Every word that came out of her mouth only made me like her more. I didn’t want the night to end but we both had busy next days. When we hugged goodbye I asked her, “When do I get to see you again?” She replied, “Sunday I guess!” Sunday!? It was only Monday! I didn't want to wait until then. Luckily, neither did she.
A couple days later, on Wednesday August 1st, I asked her out on a more official date. We went to Wingers, her favorite restaurant, and ate our hearts out. Again we talked, laughed, and things weren’t weird between us. After dinner we went to my place. I used the excuse that I wanted her to teach me the guitar. I had no intention of learning any new cords; I just wanted to be with her longer. As she played for me she began to sing “Paperweight” in the most perfect voice I have ever heard. There began to be this level of comfort with each other that neither of us was used to. We watched a movie and held hands for the first time. Her hand fit perfectly in mine. This was the night I had long been waiting for.
We had our third date on August 4th. My parents got me two tickets to the rodeo up in Heber. I knew I wanted to take Jacee Girl. Surprisingly she accepted my invitation. She met some of my family but because of the noise and crowded stadium they didn’t get the chance to really get to know her. There was a beautiful Heber sunset during most of the rodeo with fireworks to end the event. I held her in my arms and remember thinking to myself that there was only one way to make this night better… and it was up to me to make it happen. After the rodeo we said goodbye to my family and walked around the carnival. There were all kinds of rides but there was one I already had in mind. The sun had just set and the beautiful Heber stars were beginning to appear. I wanted to get close to them. “Two tickets for the ferris wheel please” I asked the carny. “That’ll be twelve bucks” he responded. “Twelve bucks!? This better be worth it” I thought to myself as I emptied my wallet, luckily having the exact cash. We boarded the ferris wheel and she gave me a look as if she knew something was up. The closer we got to the stars the more I couldn’t hide my smile. At the very highest point, as close to the stars as we could get, I turned my hat backwards, looked straight at her, and left no option. She had nowhere to run. I leaned in, paused, and then our lips met for the very first time. It was the perfect kiss. I pulled away and could hardly believe it so I just shook my head and laughed… I just kissed the adorable girl in green.
We kept dating after that. Every day I gave her reason to see me. Every day we became closer and closer. In my mind we were dating, but I neventually could tell that she needed more clarification. I was hesitant because I thought that there was no way that she liked me as much as I liked her. I thought that because of her past, there was no way she would ever actually want to be with me. On September 10th I did something I have never done before. I asked Jacee Girl to be my girlfriend. I don’t ask girls to be my girlfriend. I don’t make things official. But I was ready to feel comfortable, to feel wanted, and to feel needed. That’s exactly what she did for me. She made me feel comfortable, and I knew that I wanted and needed her. That night by the light pole felt so good. I had someone, and that someone had me. I had someone that I could take care of and that would treat me right in return. We continued to get closer and closer, and I continued to fall deeper and deeper.
Just like every relationship we’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve had our doubts, concerns, and fears. Each obstacle has given us an opportunity to look deep within ourselves and within our feelings. Through it all we’ve come to learn that what we have was real. We’ve had many opportunities to serve, to forgive, and to love unconditionally. Years and experience has given us both maturity and appreciation for what it takes to work at a relationship and put the other first. We’ve worked through problems as they’ve come and have found that we are compatible. I’ve never been happier with someone. With her faith in blessings and my love for the Lord, we are becoming together what we would not have otherwise become on our own. She is becoming that answer to my prayers.
On November 11th, after another Sunday full of the spirit and extraordinary events, I looked in to the eyes of this adorable girl in green (this time in purple), and told her something that I’ve wanted to tell her for the longest time. The mood was just right. We just received word that our new juvenile friend (Rubin) had hitch-hiked safely to his destination; a complete stranger that Jacee and her loving family so kindly welcomed in to their home for dinner. We were now back at her parents’ house, sitting in the room that she grew up in. We could hear the voices of her mom and grandma quilting just down the stairs. Spread across her pink quilted bed she was reading from books, journals, and assignments, reminiscing about her Seminary days and classes of future prep. She shared with me her goals, values, and dreams from three years past. I listened, and again felt the loving reassurance that this was exactly where I was supposed to be. I then started recording that cute girl, asking what new goals, plans, and dreams she had for the next three years. This was a tender moment for me. As she wrapped up the desires of her heart she asked if that was good enough. I thanked her and said “Yes, I loved it, and that is why…” I stopped recording, knelt beside the bed, grasped her hands and continued, “... and that is why I know that I am completely, absolutely in love with you…” I could tell that she was surprised. She looked at me not knowing what to say. She began to say something but I cut her off and said, “Jacee, I love you”. She pulled me in for a kiss, looked in to my eyes and said, “Spencer, I love you” - four of the greatest words that that adorable girl has ever said, and this awkward boy has ever heard.
I love Jacee with all my hearts. She is all I ever wanted. I am so excited to say it, to show it, and to live it. I am so blessed to have her in my life. On this Thanksgiving Day of 2012, I can say without reservation that I am absolutely grateful for, and completely in love with, my adorable girl in green.
I love you Jacee Girl
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